I am sorry but I have to say goodbye to you. I remember when I first met you…it was about 60 days after I stopped eating fast food. I was walking around the supermarket and I heard you calling my name over and over. I looked but wasn’t sure if I wanted to give you a try. I figured I deserved a reward for staying away from the fast food so I picked you up and put you into my shopping cart. Home I went with you telling me how great a friend you will be for me.
And you were great – each time, you were great. You taste so good and you give me a chance to have a break in my day. But as I continued to buy you and buy lots more of you, I started to realize you aren’t really my friend. Sure you say nice things to me while we are together and give me a sugar high but the minute you are gone, I just feel worse than I did before I saw you earlier that day.
But then, just about a week ago, I found some new friends. And when I blend these friends together into a smoothie, it’s like Voltron – they come together and make me feel great. In fact, since I met these friends, I haven’t wanted to hang out with you. Tonight you begged me to hang out and I tried but it just doesn’t taste the same as it did when we first met. As George used to say, “it’s not you it’s me”. And with these new friends, I can enjoy them across many hours instead of a quick visit with you. And these new friends don’t make me feel like crap for hours after we meet.
I hate to say this but I really wish I never met you. I can’t go back in time so all I can do is fix things going forward. Something tells me that my new friends will never let me down. I know you will try to tell me that it’s not true – that you are the friend I should stick with but all the signs tell me you are wrong. And since we have only been friends for a short time, this is a perfect opportunity to end things. Don’t worry, I am sure there will be others who will be your friend. I just can’t do it anymore. I have too many dreams and plans and if I keep you as a friend, I will never be able to realize any of them.
So goodbye chocolate chip muffin, I am sure I will see you around but I would ask that you don’t call out to me anymore. I have no interest in being your friend.
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